I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
