My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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