my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
