I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
