Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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