Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
