Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
