as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
