i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
