8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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