Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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