our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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