Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
