if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize
