i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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