Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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