So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
