so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
