is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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