I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
