Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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