Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
