yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
