And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
