So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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