i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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