I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
