His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
