i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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