How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
