I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
