my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
