margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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