Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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