watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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