my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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