I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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