I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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