I will die if light touches me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
