I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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