so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
