Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
