his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
