if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
