So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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