if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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