It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
