Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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