drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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