I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
