I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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