So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
