I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
